I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
