I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
