It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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