I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
