i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
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