Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
