i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
