I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
