I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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