So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
