What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
