Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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