this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
