I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Vodka?
Forever.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
