I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
