it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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