Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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