if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's shark week go big or go home
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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