sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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