What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
