Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
where does the pee come out of this thing
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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