ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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