i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
