ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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