I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
