i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize