she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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