what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
