it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
