I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
