Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
