I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
