We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
