so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
