Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
