you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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