i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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