Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
