You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize