you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
