My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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