Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
