She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
