i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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