Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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