i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
