put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
