you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
