Define "chronic" masturbator.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
