i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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