In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
