I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
