I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Brb crying the tears of my youth
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
