Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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