He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
