she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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