I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
