dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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