you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The struggles of a small town man whore
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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