Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
