I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
