That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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