i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
