Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
