I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
