How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
