Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize